Thanksgiving is this week, and with that little revelation comes the depressing realization that I’ve had a dessert every day this week. When I walk into the kitchen at work there’s always some tasty treat tempting my taste buds. And while I’ve checked into the Washington Sports Club three times this week, I highly doubt that 30 minutes on the elliptical is enough to offset the seemingly massive weight gain I’m about to incur.
I have yet to master the art of feeling sexy in a holiday sweater. I hate winter clothes. They’re big, they’re bulky, and they make me feel like I’m a contestant on America’s Next Top Model: Pillsbury Edition.
Add to all that the biggest stress of my holiday season: meeting my girlfriend’s family.
The “most wonderful time of the year” is perhaps one of the worst times to start a new relationship. As I begin to discover uncharted territory with my new lover, I realize that I am about to pile on the added pressures of purchasing the perfect gifts, planning romantic holiday outings, and of course, meeting her entire family in the process. And we aren’t just talking about parents here. We’re talking sisters, grandparents, cousins…the works. Bring on the spotlight!
I need a new outfit. I need an angle. I need a holiday stress relief that doesn’t come in a bottle or require a corkscrew to undo. What I need is a plan.
Whether you’ve been happily married for years or just beginning a new relationship, preparing to spend time with your partner’s family can take as much planning and prep work as a Thanksgiving turkey itself. Let’s hope they appreciate dry humor more than a dry bird.
What do I wear? What do I talk about? I need to ensure her family that my intentions are pure without coming off like a car salesman.
What about the women who came before me? I wonder how many previous girlfriends have sat at that placemat. Talk about pressure. I just can’t help feeling like I’m trespassing on their already pre-established Thanksgiving Day tradition.
I wonder what her family is like, and what kind of impression I’ll get in return. After all, they say you’re not just dating the girl; you’re dating the entire family. Luckily for me, her family already seems much more loving and accepting than my own. In order to even have so much as one meal with my family requires a lot of alcohol. But alcohol causes weight gain. Vicious cycle.
I know this is going to be the first of many Thanksgiving dinners together. She’s the one. And this is my big chance to win them over, which is why I’ve opted to bring a nice bottle of wine in lieu of my own personal cooking. I just hope they realize that what I might contribute to the Thanksgiving table is in no way a reflection of what I will bring to the table in our relationship.
Because at the end of the day, I just want these people to like me as much as I love their daughter. Earning their respect and trust is just as important to me as having hers. So bring on the cheers, queers, and holiday fears. This femme will be ready.
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