My mother. I don’t think I can write in words what she means to me. She is an extraordinary woman. She is my hero, my role model and my best friend. My mom is the strongest, smartest and most beautiful woman there is. She has raised two kids on her own. Ever since I can remember my mother has always been a hardworking woman. Having to support two kids, she worked two jobs and yet managed to make us (kids) the center of her world. My brother and I never felt like we were ever missing a component to the family, nor a father figure because my mom served as both a mother and father. Our small household was always filled with joy and love thanks to my mother.
I knew I was gay ever since I was four years old. One of the main reasons why I hid in the closest for the longest time was because of my beautiful mother. I thought that coming out was going to shatter her heart and be a disappointment. I couldn’t take the thought of causing her more pain, so I stayed in the closet. When I was 22 years old, I had come out to myself. I was living a secret life though. I was in the closet around my family and gay to the outside world. I was in a new city, had my first girlfriend and experienced heartbreak—and it was bad. I was dealing with all of this by myself. I felt bad because I started to feel the affects of living a secret life and carrying the biggest burden. Whenever I had to tell me mom where I was going at night, I couldn’t look her straight in the eyes because I was lying to her. It killed me, but I had no other choice. I know she didn’t deserve this. I first came out to my brother on an unforgettable Valentine’s Day in 2014. He was the only person who knew in my family for about two months before the timing was perfect and my mom asked the big question.
I still remember that day so clearly. My mom and I went out to lunch one afternoon in April. We were enjoying the food in front of us. Now in retrospect, I think she knew that was going to be the day her suspension and questions would be answered. We started talking about my Godmother, whose son is gay. I remember there was a moment of silence then she proceeded to ask, “You’re friends, they’re all gay right? I said, “Yes.” She asked “Why?” I replied with “Because they’re my friends and I feel comfortable with them.” Then the question came. “You’re not gay, right?” I could feel my blood pressure go up and the blood rushing to my head and my heart beating fast. I took a deep breath and said, “I am.” She looked me in the eyes and we both started to tear up. Once she was able to gather herself she took my hand and said “I love you regardless. My love for you is unconditional. I don’t care. I just want you to be happy. But why couldn’t you tell me this before?” I cried happy tears saying, “I didn’t want to disappoint you.”
I had always been close to my mother, but coming out and having her support made us even closer because I wasn’t hiding anything from her anymore. My mom has been so supportive and has showed me that she just wants me to be happy – that I am still her daughter, who just happens to be gay. One of my greatest moments thus far after coming out with my mom was when I was in Madrid, Spain for a film festival and she tagged along with me. One day while in Madrid we were walking around and Pride was happening. And she told me “Let’s stay. I want to be a part of this with you.” My mom is a warrior. My mom is an inspiration. Thank you mom for everything you’ve done for my brother and me.
Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. I love you.
