Dear younger LGBTQ+ family members,
I woke up the day after the election like many others—shocked, outraged and deeply saddened. The last thing I wanted was platitudes. People telling me, “Everything will be okay,” ”One step at a time,” or ”We just need to get back up on that horse.” Enough of this fucking shit.
I’m a 57-year-old lesbian. I know what it’s like to live in a country that despises you and treats you like a second-class citizen. I grew up in a time that still listed homosexuality as a mental disorder in the The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (or DSM—a manual that mental health professionals use to diagnose mental illnesses). A time when LGBTQ+ folks had no rights or equality, and certainly no law to protect us. Most people were closeted out of fear of verbal—and often physical—attack. I’ve spent a lifetime pushing, protesting, and fighting for my right to simply exist. I thought we had made tremendous progress and change. I was wrong.
My mistake was actually believing the majority of Americans were changing their views and values. But Tuesday’s election showed us just how deep misogyny, racism, and hatred of the LGBTQ+ community runs within the voting public. More than half of this country did not just vote for Donald Trump. More than half of this country cast a vote against women, Black people, and LGBTQ+ folks. Any delusions I had of an America that embraces diversity are gone. As Freddie Gibbs said, “It broke my heart, but it fixed my vision.”
I’d like to say this is a wakeup call, but we have had so many warnings in the past ten years. This feels more like the boy who cried wolf. Yet the wolf has been real all along and now it’s inside our house. This is more of a scream: “know your enemy.” Many people thought Roe v. Wade would never be overturned, even though there was ample evidence that it could happen given the lopsided politics present on SCOTUS following the Trump’s first term in office. The far Christian right had been strategizing for years to overturn abortion protections and yet a shocking number of people seemed surprised when it actually happened. And the rhetoric against LGBTQ+ people, especially transgender people, has been increasing for years, with over 450 anti-LGBTQ+ pieces of legislation being presented across the country. The hostility and violence towards LGBTQ+ folks has skyrocketed. None of this should be surprising.
My fellow older queers who’ve experienced a long lifetime of oppression, discrimination, and possible violence will understand. For our younger LGBTQ+ family, if this is your first rodeo, buckle up.
If you are young and queer in America, many of your generation have only known a country that has afforded you protection under the law and social acceptance for who you are, so the results of this election might be shocking. Watching millions of voters vote against transgender rights (and ultimately LGBTQ+ rights), is a tough pill to swallow. One trans friend told me they decided to stop taking “T”, the testosterone hormone needed for their transition, as they are terrified. They said they will resign themselves to identifying as non-binary, even though they identify as a trans man. Another young queer friend had a complete breakdown on the phone, telling me she immediately removed all queer-identifying social posts out of fear.
I get it. It’s scary. And I’m not going to tell anyone to double down and get back out there who’s not ready. I’m also not gonna sugarcoat things or lie and tell people everything will be alright. The reality is, even in normal times, fighting for social justice, human rights, and equality is a very slow process.
But here’s the thing, we cannot stop pushing back. We must support each other, and we must continue to fight. We cannot allow the extreme right and the haters in this country to win. I say this as someone who has been fighting the uphill battle for equality and basic rights my entire adult life. While we’ve had victories along the way, equality is a never-ending uphill battle. And it’s not a zero-sum game. We don’t win if others lose. We win by banding together. We win by making sure we stay strong as a community. We win by having our eyes wide open.
For my older LGBTQ+ generation who have seen times that felt hopeless, we need to be there for the younger generations. Many of us, who were closeted for years, know firsthand what it’s like to feel isolated and alone. I’m betting there are a lot of queers out there consumed with fear right now. Reach out to them. Listen and let them know they are loved and not alone.
It took me years to overcome my own internalized homophobia and self-hatred. Years to understand there was nothing wrong with me, just the misogynist system I lived in. A system hell bent on not giving power to women, LGBTQ+ folks, Black folks, Indigenous folks, and other people of color. A system designed to keep us down.
But there is nothing wrong with the way any of us walk through the world. It’s a lie the patriarchy, Trump, and MAGA sheep want you to believe. Fight back. Fight them by loving each other. Fight by protesting, caring for our advocate leaders, supporting social justice organizations, and letting go of the petty differences within our own community. Fight back by supporting women and people of color. Fight by not going back in the closet. We have each other. You are beautiful. Do not let bigoted voters take away your humanity.
Love, strength, and peace to you all,
Shaley
