We are pleased to share this article in honor of Bisexuality Visibility Day 2024.
As a queer woman who’s been in a serious relationship with a man for several years, I get a lot of pretty intrusive questions. The most common one is, “So, you chose straight?” Even when it’s posed as a joke, it still sucks to hear because at its core, biphobia is never really that much of a joke. And it hurts, no matter who it’s coming from.
This isn’t just my personal experience, either. Many bisexual or otherwise queer women in relationships with men or masc-presenting people experience some form of biphobia. Outsiders love to assume that picking a partner means chosen a side. They feel it validates that they were “right” about our sexuality all along. Whatever “right” is supposed to mean.
If you’re like me and looking for what to say when someone asks, “You’re straight now?” Here are five responses to pull out in these uncomfortable times.
This is one of the more straightforward (no pun intended) responses in this list. It lets the asker know that you aren’t in fact straight and makes it clear that you won’t be taking any further questions. Potentially a good answer for parents, close friends, or anyone you don’t feel like handling the emotions of that day.
A funnier response, for anyone like me who uses humor to try and defuse an uncomfortable situation. I’ve found that this works best when you know the person asking isn’t trying to be hurtful (even if they are) and will get that this is a joke.
My personal picks would be Hayley Kiyoko, Tessa Thompson, and Kristen Stewart. Feel free to use whoever you’d like, of course, and as many names as you personally would find funny.
This is another funny one, at least for you (or me). Put the ball back in the asker’s court. Why should they care about your sexuality at all unless they’re interested in you? And odds are pretty good that isn’t the case, since they wouldn’t ask the same question to a straight person in a relationship. No, that would be inappropriate.
A good response for when you want to shut someone down fast and don’t necessarily care about being nice. It both confirms that you aren’t straight and also will probably make the other person a little uncomfortable. Which they should be after asking such an out of pocket question.
An alternate way to say this would be, “Even if I was, I’m seeing someone right now/engaged/married/etc.” The blow is a little softer and can be more joking if you want or need it to be.
At the end of the day, you don’t owe whoever’s asking you any insight into your sexuality. You don’t have to put up with their ridiculous and rude questioning. Your sexuality is your own, and you don’t have to justify it. A simple “no” should be more than enough. If it’s not? Not your problem. Not their business.
Biphobia and general homophobia aren’t things we should still be dealing with in 2024, and yet here we are. Hopefully, these responses will either be helpful or at least make you laugh. I’m prepping numbers two and three for my upcoming wedding. Fingers crossed I won’t have to use them.
