I took my first spring season run the other day…finally! The sun was shining, the air was crisp, and my running shoes were just begging for some asphalt action. With each proud step I embraced the clarity and the solace that running gives me. No time to focus on Facebook or workday worries; it’s just me, my music, and my breathing.
As I turned the bend on my second lap, I noticed that my breathing has become much heavier, and by my third lap I realized…so have I.
It just didn’t feel quite the same as summer’s peak, when I was completing 5k charity runs in 35 minutes or less. I felt winter’s weight gain weighing me down like a secret between lovers. Summer is coming, and the best-designed bikini in the world couldn’t keep this secret hidden from my friends, my family, and the onslaught of unsuspecting onlookers at my favorite summer vacation spots.
For a minute, I feel ashamed of my body, ashamed of my thicker thighs, my wider waist, and my chubbier chin. I feel embarrassed, wondering if my partner has felt the same way when she feels these same areas. Before I know it, my serene sprints around the track have been reduced to mere self-deprecating scampers.
But then, I stop.
I stop thinking about my body, my disappointment, and my winter eating habits. I forget about all the extra helpings of pasta I put on my plate, about the many Sunday afternoons I spent wrapped up in the comfort of my warm bed instead of sweating out the previous night’s excessive caloric intake at the gym. I want to blame my relationship. I want to blame winter and the weather. But I know, deep down, the only person to blame is myself.
With that resolution, I pick up my pace. Circling the shape of the track, I take note of its long lines, its short curves and bends. Some runners love sprinting down the stretch of the long lines but I much prefer jogging around the curves. They break up the monotony of the motion; they make the run more interesting for me. They shake things up and redirect an otherwise repetitive run.
And then I realize that is exactly why I should love my curves. I should equally embrace my pear shaped figure and the way my thighs fill out a pair of leggings. Regardless of the extra 10 to 15 pounds I’ve put on, these are my thighs, and they are carrying me through my own personal journey toward life, health, and happiness.
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