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Frenchie Davis
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Femme Problems 103: Things I Never Thought I’d Try—Until I Did

Some call it love. Others call it desperation. One minute you’re jumping into a relationship and the next you’re jumping out of an airplane, sliding down a snow mountain, or lying in a bathtub somewhere while your partner does things to you that only babies should have the right to do.

For some inexplicable reason, we all end up doing things we never thought we would do or even thought we could do, all in the name of “true love.”

I once dated a girl who loved snowboarding more than anything, including me. After one trip with her I went out and bought over one thousand dollars worth of snowboarding equipment. I bought myself a snowboard, a jacket, and matching snow pants. I invested so much into this sport that I cared very little about. And why? Because I thought I was investing in our relationship. I thought I was investing in our future.

The dream of taking our future family on snow-laden vacations clouded my judgment and unleashed a flood of delusional behaviors and decisions. And what was the end result? She broke up with me the very next week.

That’s just one example of the many things I never thought I’d try until I did. I have suffered through shots of Jameson as I desperately tried to fit in with my date’s social group. I have masked a sour face as I tried, time after time, to fall not only for the girl I was dating, but also for the bourbon she asked me to try. Well, six tattoos and three piercings later, it’s safe to say my investment capital yielded very little return, and the collateral damage incurred throughout the entire relationship nearly destroying my bank account, my liver, and my soul.

I wish I could sit here and say that I’m the only one—that I’m the only idiot out there willing to forsake my own sense of self for my partner’s happiness or perverted pleasure. But unfortunately, I’m not.

I once had a friend who told me the story of one of her most significant relationships. Outside of the bedroom, everything seemed golden; however, inside the bedroom was a golden shower of strange fetishes that she thought—if she just accepted them—then she would receive the same acceptance in return. Well, she didn’t. As irony would have it, the girl ended up pissing all over their entire relationship.

So whether it’s snow sports or water sports your partner is into, we femmes often find ourselves inevitably testing our limits in the hopes of achieving the same acceptance, investment, and self-sacrifice we give in return.

And you know what? Some of us will find it, and that’s great. Go #TeamNester! But let’s be honest, most of us will find at the end of the relationship road is a small gleaming sliver of our former selves and the realization that next time, we shouldn’t sacrifice so much of ourselves for the sake of our now forsaken loved ones.

After all, there’s a fine line to walk between pleasing your partner and appeasing her. Between your self-sacrifice and her satisfaction. The key to achieving balance as you walk on the tight rope of a healthy relationship is self-actualization, self-respect, and self-control.

Ladies, I sincerely hope that as we experience the wonders of intimate feminine connection, we continue to keep this balance in mind and learn to perform a series of self-checks the next time we make a big move, a big purchase, or a big lifestyle change for our loved ones.

I recently thought about selling my snowboard. But instead, it sits propped up in my room, a constant reminder that you can invest so much of yourself into someone, but she won’t always yield the interest you hope to see in return.


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