Your Wednesday, Friday and Saturday night crew haven’t heard from you in weeks. You stopped hosting your Sunday fun day dinner. The “I’m so lonely” phone calls to your BFF have stopped. Your local lesbian club is seriously thinking about revoking your VIP status. Your text message inbox is full and your voicemail box has practically exploded. And your Facebook wall is starting to look as empty as your supply of dental dam…. What happened to you? Well, you have met the girl of your dreams and you have entered the lesbian love cave.
It’s this place that every new lesbian couple enters for a few weeks and sometimes even months. Bouquets of bliss abound and essence of sex always fills the air. You see the good in each other. The bad stuff, well you push it aside and hope it doesn’t work your last nerve. Even though you normally don’t cook, you make the extra effort to show her all the wonderful recipes you have in your domestic repertoire. The only two times you leave the house is to go to work and restock her fridge.
More than once you have called into work because neither of you could pull away from each other. You stayed up all night talking, and, well, other stuff (wink). Your boss is giving you that side eye look of disappointment because you just don’t have the same interest in your job as you used to. You haven’t seen your roommates in so long that one of them has actually started saying she has adopted your cat.
It has happened to all of us. Our entire world changes and we dive head first into lesbian love land and take up residence in this cave. The lesbian love cave is actually a very necessary component to building a loving and lasting relationship. It’s the place where you bond and learn each other’s love language. But how do we find balance and still maintain our own space and identity.
First, I believe, you should just let it run its course. Don’t fight it. Enjoy it. It won’t last forever. When the bliss has thinned out and you both come up for air, you will find your own life again and your time in the cave will have taught you how to move through life as a couple.
Second, I do think it’s important to not completely abandon the other people in your life. Most of your friends will understand this time and while they will probably give you a hard time and slightly make fun of you, they will be supportive and welcome you back with open arms when you call them and suddenly want to have a girl’s night out.
Third, I know I have made this mistake. I have completely lost interest in work and certainly didn’t have the dedication that I used to. Be careful with this because what you don’t want to happen is for your work to suffer and jeopardize your job. Financial hardship can and will cause issues in your relationship, especially when you two move in together.
Last but not least, maintain your own sense of balance and identity. Be careful not to merge. So many times we merge so closely to our mate that before we know it, we look up, and there is no trace of who we were before we met them. This is dangerous for your relationship and will leave you bitter and resentful. It’s healthy to bond, but very unhealthy to merge.
The lesbian love cave is a magical place in lesbian love land. Spend the necessary time there but make sure you eventually venture back out into society. When you do venture out, you will have built the foundation to take on the world.
