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Dating Advice for Queer Women from Queer Women

Two women hanging out in the park

Do you obsess over a first date? How about sending that first text? Well, for all the grrrls, bois, studs, femmes, ladies and queers looking for love, LGBTQutie is offering you some dating tips, dating don’ts, and dating wisdom. We’ve sourced lesbians, queer grrrls, and women-loving-women around the country to bring you this handy-dandy dating advice for us, from us.

This way, you never have to ask your friends “is it too soon to text her?” ever again.

Working on those night moves: first dates are awkward; so remember to be present, be yourself, and above all else – honesty is the best policy.

Lose the ego, and be real. You can’t do the second without doing the first, and with big egos come bigger insecurities. Allow yourself to be present and exposed if you are really into someone. You’re shortchanging yourself and the other person if you don’t let your guard down and get on the same level. ~ Lauren, Austin

YOU DO YOU. You’re looking for someone who wants to date you for who you, not who you are when you do what your best friend tells you to do. ~ Sarah, Austin

Always offer to split if you were asked out. If you did the asking then pay for something that is substantial. ~ Ashley, Washington DC

Make sure your hair and underwear are on point. ~ Eva, Los Angeles

The most compelling people are the ones that are truly unique and passionate about something. Whatever it is, remember passion is infectious. ~ Kirya, Brooklyn

Silence your phone. Don’t even look at it unless it has something to do with the date. ~ Ashley, Washington DC

Don’t lie. ~ Eva, Los Angeles

 

Let’s Get Physical: the age-old question regarding when’s the right time to get horizontal with her.

The only people who know when you should have sex with someone are you and that person (or persons). If it feels right at the end of the date, go for it. However, spending the night afterwards creates a lot more intimacy than parting ways. ~ Sarah, Austin

Not on the first date, but maybe the second. But you should definitely make out on the first date – got to see what you’re working with. ~ Kristin, Austin

When it’s time, clean and trim nails.  And avoid garlic or heavy onions. ~ Ashley, Washington DC

 

Text Versus Phone Call: in the times of technology, calling someone is almost as outdated as flared jeans and fedoras, but does that mean it’s ok to text your would-be boo?

I have no idea why this one thing is the most overthought – I don’t even put that much thought in where to go on a date. Call if they are not a millennial. Text if they are millennial. Just note, if you text any human being on earth for an outing, people will make the assumption that it is not a formal occasion. So don’t text someone to go on a date and then take them to the Opera. That’s rude. Call! ~ Ashley, Washington DC

Call or text whenever you’re thinking about the person, but don’t say anything creepy, too deep, or too sexual. ~Kristin, Austin

 

Emotion Overload: yes she’s great, yes the sex is good, but don’t start packing that u-haul quite yet.

Don’t move in after the first date – no matter how much she/he/zee is your destiny. Wait, get to know them a little better. ~ Ashley, Washington DC

In the famous words of the 90’s R&B group Shai “Be sure the lady is a friend.” ~ Erica, San Francisco

Ironically, I think the key to serious relationships is treating them the exact opposite. Lighten up and laugh with each other. ~ Lauren, Austin

 

General Dating Fails: Some things are just recipes for disaster.

Nobody wants a high-maintenance partner. No matter how big or small the task at hand, or how major or minor the info you are receiving, ask yourself: How will your actions or reaction to this situation serve purpose? If it doesn’t serve a positive purpose, don’t subscribe to it. ~ Lesbutant & the Boss, Austin

Eliminate the Negative Self-Talk. It tricks us into thinking that we are not good enough.  Instead, celebrate your accomplishments, big or small. ~ Lesbutant & the Boss, Austin

Do not talk about your ex. It makes you look like you’re still stuck, and no one wants to be a rebound. ~ Ashley, Washington DC

Ready for date number two?

Gender roles are for suckers! Studies claim everyone is happier in relationship when you don’t assign gender roles. Meaning: Don’t wait around for that butch/boi/stud to ask you out. Just do it! ~ Ashley, Washington DC

 

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