Lily Tomlin and Partner
Lily Tomlin Marries Longtime Partner in NYE Gathering
January 9, 2014
Wedding Announcement: Angel McWilliams and Connie Emery-Walker
January 10, 2014

Femme Problems 111: So What If We Met Online?

Two white, femme women look at a laptop

I have absolutely no shame in my internet dating game. That’s why whenever I’m asked the inescapable question “How did you meet your girlfriend?” I proudly retort: OkCupid. Since its inception in 2004, OkCupid has hosted over 10 million users—people like me, just searching for a soul mate and clicking for a companion.

While some women adopt a whimsical attitude toward online dating, I have always approached it with a more determined resilience in the hopes of meeting my perfect match. So many of us assume that plenty of Fish is synonymous with Plenty of “Catfish” and operate under the assumption that if you meet a woman online, it means you aren’t social or suave enough to bag a cat in person. Well, I’ve met everyone of my former exes through friends or at the gay bar, and I have to say: given the track record of crazy I’ve experienced, I’d try anything at this point.

Unfortunately, there’s an indisputable taboo associated with online dating. Many of these couples that do meet online are ashamed to admit it, often fabricating their explanation of the first meet up or bending the truth to alleviate the self-perceived embarrassment. I wonder what would happen if we all threw the gavel down and were just honest with one another. After all, online dating isn’t easy. It takes endurance. It takes patience. It takes hope.

When I decided to create my first online profile I was a bit skeptical, until a little voice popped in my head and said, “Hey, if you’re on OkCupid, then there has to be someone else on here like you too!” As it turns out, that voice was right.

I first stumbled upon my girlfriend’s profile through my visitor’s list, a key feature of the site that allows you to see everyone who views your profile. After scouring her summary and closely analyzing every angle of her posted pictures, I checked my inbox and to my disappointment, I in fact did not have a message from her. I’m not sure if it was pride or curiosity, but I’ve always believed the key to self-improvement is feedback, so I made it my mission to know exactly why this guitar-wielding vegetarian and self-proclaimed pacifist saw my profile but did not reach out.

I sent her a cute but relatively bold message, declaring my discovery of her visitation and demanding to know why she didn’t message me. She coyly replied that she was shy, disclosing that she often browsed the profiles of eagerly awaiting women without messaging them at all. What a tease. After a few messages, we graduated to texting, and before I knew it, we were Facebook friends. More shameless Internet stalking ensued.

I thought I was making solid ground until she texted me that she was just looking for friendship, as she entered into an exclusive relationship with a girl she had been talking to before me. While I wished her well, I certainly didn’t need any more friends in my life, and with that she fell off my radar…completely. After all, we had never even met. I shrugged off the loss and kept on moving.

Months later, I was sitting at the Phase 1 pool table when I noticed a beautiful pale skinned, septum-pierced, hazel-eyed girl standing at a table next to me. I was instantly attracted and made it my mission to talk to her. I honed my interpersonal skills and struck up a conversation. It wasn’t until hours later that she revealed who she was: the girl I met on OkCupid. It wasn’t until weeks later that she admitted she came to Phase 1 for the sole purpose of seeking me out, not even with the intention of talking to me. She just wanted to see who I was and why she felt so drawn to me. We started dating instantly and have been inseparable ever since.

To me, this is a beautiful story, a recollection of events leading up to a love I am so grateful to know. I’m not ashamed to say we met online. There are one million active users on OkCupid today, making my girlfriend truly one in a million.


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