Sex in new relationships is typically easy: You’re excited about the end of the night and/or an early morning sex session, and you might even constantly be thinking about where you can have a down-and-dirty quickie during the day. However, the spark can dim as the relationship progresses. How do you and your partner keep it sizzling in the bedroom?
No, you don’t have to literally pencil in sex with your partner. (But, who hasn’t done that?) Accept that sex may not be as spontaneous as it used to be. There’s nothing wrong with this, just note that your relationship is progressing and that you’re forming new bonds. Embrace the shift. Whatever your “thing” might be in the bedroom—watching a sexy movie, lighting candles, reading erotic books, introducing toys—always have them prepped and ready to go. There’s nothing worse than having that sensation of wanting to hit the sack, without being prepared with what gets you turned on.
If you’re the first one to notice the drop off in physical intimacy, then bring it up. What’s hotter than a confident woman who can communicate her thoughts and feelings? Don’t be afraid to sound like you’re obsessed with sex by talking about it. Doing so shows that you’re invested in the relationship and that you want to make it fulfilling, for both of you. Open communication is the key to a successful, mature relationship and a hot sex life.
Now that you’ve voiced your feelings and your bedroom has the essentials ready to go at a moment’s notice, how do you put your plan into motion? Communicate your fantasies. Sometimes the word “fantasy” intimidates women. It doesn’t have to be a full-on costume-wearing new-toy-introducing session. Start by telling your partner what you’ve always wanted to try with her, a place you wanted to watch her, and so on. Your communication is open, right? This should be easy.
Feel good after a hard workout or after being excited by a new experience? Adrenaline feeds sexual desire. Plan new physical activities with your partner outside of the bedroom and watch how easy it is for your mutual desire to develop. Ever noticed that you have totally hot sex at a hotel? Your serotonin levels rise when you try something new. Plan the activity—not the sex—and new levels of steamy sex will present themselves, naturally.
Know your partner’s turn-ons. You can’t keep it fresh and sizzling in the bedroom unless you really know what gets her going. Remember that if you introduce something she loves into the bedroom (for example, kinky porn or erotic poems), then she’ll be into it, and you’ll be turned on by the fact that she’s having the time of her life.
What turned you on the first few times that the two of you were intimate? Her confidence? Re-create an atmosphere where it’s shown again. Her athleticism? Plan an active weekend. Her style? Plan a shopping trip where she shows off what she’s trying on for you.
Above all, communicate. There’s nothing less sexy than someone who bottles up her or his thoughts (about sex or anything else).
Meghann Novinskie and Kim Rosenberg are Dating Experts at Mixology—Matchmaking With a Twist (www.ReadyToMix.com). Mixology is an offline personal matchmaking agency exclusively for the LGBT community, with offices in Washington, D.C., and Los Angeles and clients around the country.