Life is beautiful. Life is also insane. One minute you’ve got a great girlfriend, an amazing job and a precious pet. The next minute life is ripped at the seams and everything you valued is gone. You find yourself in the corner of your apartment screaming, “I need to get out of this place!” But the converse is true, too. Almost immediately following the decline of your happiness you experience a rise. You find the perfect partner, get an even better job, and learn to love a new little fur ball. This time you find yourself in the middle of the national mall, arms spread wide, shouting at the top of your lungs, “I need to celebrate!” Sometimes it’s the drama, sometimes it’s the beautiful and in both cases, it’s cause for time off from your daily routine.
Life is full of surprises—from unintended stressors to exciting life changes—and every so often we just need a gorgeous LGBTQ holiday. So behold, the top ten reasons why DMV lesbians need to get away:
10. You Just Purchased a New Pack of Tank Tops and Ties
You just went shopping and came home with the lesbian “must-have” list of clothes… a new pack of tanks and a few ties to sport with your favorite button down. Since you’re so fancy, you need everyone to know. Time to jump on the fast lane to somewhere other than here. Set out on your conquest to find someone new!
9. You Just Broke Up With Your Girlfriend
Source: Tumblr
So it goes. You meet the girl of your dreams and everything is butterflies and rainbows, then she turns out to be a little bit crazy. You’ve tried for a few weeks to overlook the snarky comments, the argumentative language, and the awkward discrepancies from your expectations and yet, it’s not going back to normal. You need to jump ship and find a new adventure.
8. You’ve Dated Every Girl You Know
Source: Showtime
It happens. When your dating pool is significantly downsized due to sexuality, then shrunken even more because of location, you’re bound to know practically everyone in your local LGBTQ community. What’s more, since your relationships aren’t lasting very long and it seems like every girl you date makes for a great friend, you seemingly make your rounds to all the single ladies you can find.
7. You’ve Heard That West Coast Lesbians Are Less Dramatic
Source: Dinah Shore, ©Kurfew
If you haven’t gotten away by now, then what better reason to buy into the “grass is greener” concept then heading out to the west coast? You have this dreamy picture of laid-back, party-loving, easy-living, no-drama lesbians. Everywhere you look—San Diego, San Francisco, Seattle—you’ll find idealistic images of glorified beauties who will make everything else in your life melt away.
6. You Just Changed the Oil in Your Subaru
Source: zombiespacecats.com
Every good lesbian knows how to do at least minor upkeep. Whether you opted for the practicality of the forrester or the speed of the WRX, we all know that you’re driving a Subaru. Every time you tune-up your beauty, you start thinking about the places you can take her on an Aussie-esque road trip.
5. You’ve Started Dating Someone New
Source: tumblr
You’ve come full circle. You’re over the mishaps of the past. You’ve found your true soul-mate. This time she really is everything you’ve been looking for. It doesn’t matter if you’ve only been together for a month. This one is here to stay. She has the perfect career, the perfect style, and the perfect personality. You even have matching tattoos. Now, you want to impress her and take her somewhere really special.
4. You’d Be Okay If You Never Saw the Washington Monument Ever Again
Source: CollegeHumor
At this point, you have developed an automatic blur spot every time you pass the Washington Monument. We can’t imagine why! Maybe it’s the phallic shape? Maybe it’s the constant reminder of a male-dominated government? Maybe you’ve lived here too long? Whatever it is, this bit of D.C. history ranks low on your favorite monuments list.
3. Your Cat Just Passed Away 🙁
Source: OMGkitty.com
I know. It’s terrible. We all understand. We all have cats. The trauma that you’re experiencing when your little angel of the past 15 years can no longer be by your side is agonizing and you deserve a trip. It can be difficult to live in the same place with the memories of your feline friend. You still own the first couch she clawed-up, remember the first time she tried cat-nip, and have all her toys stored in a basket next to the larger-than-life cat tree you bought her.
2. You’re Seeing Double. Is It You…or Are All Lesbians Getting the Same Haircut?
Source: Ink-Stained Queer, Tumblr
Source: Entertainmentwise.com
You’re walking down the street and have a moment of deja vu. Wait, didn’t you just see her walk by? The queer hipster apocalypse is here, and you have the proof! No longer are the days of the Justin Bieber haircut. You’re not going crazy, it’s just time for some new scenery.
1. You’ve Lived Your Entire Life in the D.C. Metropolitan Area
Forget everything else. Forget the women. Forget the car. Forget the cat. If you have lived your entire life in a 50 mile radius, have never been on a plane, and the furthest beach you’ve been to is Rehoboth, you need to get away. Experience life. Don’t just see political documentaries and venture to Chinatown or little Italy—actually experience new cultures. Go alone or with friends, just go! You’ve only got one life and we’ve got one incredible world. As the saying goes, “the world is a book and those who do not travel only read one page.”
