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Narcissist Behavior

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Have you ever met a psychopath? Chances are you have. You may even have dated one. Or worse still, married her.

It may even be why you are now long-term, chronically single. You may be so afraid it will happen again that you do not allow yourself to love again.

Narcissists are self-centered, self-adoring, exploitative, demeaning, uncaring people who are always right, and only want you around if you’re flattering them, or you’re particularly useful to them.

Psychopaths are all this and more.

A psychopath is a person without conscience. She doesn’t care what she does to you, or to anyone else.

She doesn’t care if she hurts you. Indeed she enjoys it. Yes, enjoys. Recent research shows that the pleasure centers in the psychopathic brain light up when she inflicts pain or distress on others. Many psychopaths torture animals when they are children, and may continue to do so.

Both narcissists and psychopaths are accomplished liars. They know how to deceive and then confuse you so much you are no longer sure what they said, or why you thought they were lying. The psychopath has no interest whatsoever in the truth – it is a completely irrelevant concept. She simply says whatever is required to get what she wants.

The narcissist/psychopath (N/P) is a masterful “projector”. Everything, but everything, is YOUR fault. And nothing can persuade her otherwise. She never takes responsibility for anything – unless it is temporarily strategic to do so.

N/Ps have a monstrous sense of entitlement. She’s entitled to you if she wants you, or your energy and attention, and later you may discover she believes she’s entitled to your money, indeed all of your assets. If she’s a work colleague she feels entitled to take your ideas and claim them as her own, and she’s entitled to anything else she wants from you, including if she happens to want it, your job.

Others may want what you have, but the psychopath believes she’s entitled to it. Watch, and you will begin to notice the difference.


N/Ps do not love in the same way as you and I. They don’t feel it.

But they can feign it.

They’re actually watching you to figure out how you want to be loved, and will deliver exactly the feelings and words – the form of loving expression – that will resonate for you.

They’ll discover and then mimic your values, so you’ll trust them.

She’ll figure out what will make you feel sorry for her, so you’ll want to help and protect her.

She can mimic any emotion she needs to hook you in, or has figured out is socially appropriate to display at the time. None of it is real. It’s all for show, so she can achieve her objectives.

Ask anyone who has been the victim of a psychopath about her initial impressions.

“Charming” they will say.

Psychopaths are the ultimate charmers. They feel nothing apart from overwhelming regard for themselves, but they’ve figured out how to look and act like exactly the kind of person they need to be to get what they want.

Are you:

  • Kind and giving
  • Forgiving, and the kind of person who will give others “the benefit of the doubt”.
  • You try to understand why people act as they do, and you can forgive while you “wait” for her to gain insight, to see herself more clearly.
  • You’re especially desirable if you have money, if you’re very physically attractive, have status and/or power.
  • If you’re especially vulnerable you get more points. So if you’re lonely, needy, have low self-esteem, are recently single or bereaved, form very strong attachments quickly or you’re easily confused, you may be just what she’s looking for.

The latest studies indicate that around five percent of people have a high level of narcissism, and at least one percent are psychopaths.

N/Ps are everywhere, they live among us. We live on the same street, share a seat on the Metro, drive on the same roads. They are our students, our teachers, patients and clients, our family, our business partners, our friends, bosses, colleagues and acquaintances. If you let them into your life, at minimum they are dangerous to your emotional health and therefore quite possibly to your physical health. Your financial security is in peril, and even your reputation. And God forbid you have children with this person. They would most definitely be at risk for very substantial emotional damage.

I have been studying N/Ps and the continuum of traits and behaviors that comprise the Narcissism-to-Psychopathy spectrum intensively for about a decade and a half.

I study the clinical and neuroscientific research, and I’ve worked with hundreds of narcissistic clients in my psychotherapy and coaching practices. I’ve learned a great deal about how these people think and feel about themselves and others, what motivates them, and how they behave under various circumstances.

However, one thing is very clear. It is extremely difficult for most people, even those who have worked with a therapist and/or read some of the literature, to protect themselves from involvement with N/Ps. Most forms of narcissism are very hard to identify, and N/Ps are extraordinarily good at hiding their true selves – until it’s too late. The result is that many people are exploited and usually devastated by N/Ps more than once.

So, I’m working on a solution…

The “Method” is a series of research-based seminars and training programs designed to help you:

  • Identify even the most covert N/Ps before it’s too late
  • Identify and change/heal your own “predisposing” factors for narcissistic abuse
  • To cope, develop new strengths and helpful traits if you’re “stuck” with a narcissist in your life
  • To recover and grow, to turn your ravaged self-esteem, pain and fear into wisdom and to flourish when you finally get away from the N/P