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Summer Fling or the Real Thing?

Two women holding hands in ocean water

There is a stigma about summer flings that forces us to shut down the thought of turning Ms. Summer into Ms. Long Term Partner. The summer fling–it’s hot, it’s thrilling, and it’s inevitable. It’s also free of drama, hassles, and commitment. Being in the vacation mindset allows us to take things lightly and see things from a positive perspective. You and your “fling mate” have the best time together, there’s no arguing, you’re wildly attracted to each other, and you seem to be on the same page about everything.  So why wouldn’t  you want to see if a fling can be extended into the cold months rapidly approaching.

If you met Miss Fling 201 over Memorial Day, you may now be contemplating the fate of your fling. Before you call 1-800-UHAUL, here are a few ways to determine if the fling could be the “real thing.”


First, communicate openly

Share your thoughts with her. Since there are no strings attached to this person right now, you have no reason not to be upfront about your feelings.


Mind your expectations

Don’t set yourself up for disappointment. While we encourage you to be direct about your feelings, don’t be upset if she isn’t interested in an exclusive relationship. Sometimes we have flings with women we would never date; this is why it’s important to manage your expectations about the fate of the fling. Be honest: Is this someone you genuinely like or is this Ms. Right Now?


Consider geographic distance

Sure, we can convert your fling to a girlfriend pretty easily if you have much in common, similar values, chemistry, etc. However, if you throw distance into the mix, you might have a bigger barrier. Long distance relationships can definitely work–we’ve seen it firsthand. That said, a fling is usually harder to convert to a relationship if there is a four-hour drive between the two of you.


Recognize the importance of maturity

Sorry, you less mature “kids” out there may have a more difficult time taking the summer fling more seriously than a hook up. Us “mature kids” can understand and see potential with those we have a connection with, regardless of the season.


Many relationships start as summer hook-ups. Sure, this being a more social time of the year, you may want to keep your options open and remain uncommitted. However, the mindset you have going into summer flings are perhaps one you should to adopt for the beginning of any relationship. Being carefree and nonjudgmental are qualities many look for in a long-term partnership. In our experience working with singles, we know that the less pressure you put on a new relationship, the better the outcome. So, why not push the fling into the fall? This approach may allow you to focus on what you really want in a partner and less on the label of the relationship.

Happy dating!


Meghann Novinskie and Kim Rosenberg are Dating Experts at MixologyMatchmaking with a Twist ( Mixology is an offline personal matchmaking agency exclusively for the LGBT community, with offices in Washington, D.C., and Los Angeles, and clients around the country.


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Kim Rosenberg
Kim Rosenberg
Kim Rosenberg is a professional matchmaker with Elite Private Search DC. Learn more at